Round 3: Vampires vs. Wizards! July 20, 2009

Apologies all around for the lack of posts during these exciting times, I was too hopped-up on Pottermania to go anywhere near a computer.  (I haven’t even had a chance to look at all the pictures of Rob in New York for this week!  He’s got a hot-pink sleeping bag!  His face is bleeding!  He’s wearing plaid again!  Weeee!!!)  On to Round 3: VAMPIRES vs. WIZARDS!!!

Last week we discussed a very specific vampire (Edward Cullen) and a very

I daresay he may be sexier than Edward...well, sexier than Emmett at the very least.

specific wizard (Harry Potter.)  Today I’d like to talk about vampires and wizards in a more general sense.  Specifically, which would I rather be?  This is a tough one for sure.  Let’s look at some facts, shall we?  Vampires have definitely got something going for them.  Sex appeal is a major plus.  Vampires are sexy.  Wizards are not.  (Unless you’re Draco Malfoy.)  Vampires are super-fast, super-strong, super-beautiful, etc.  The list goes on and on.  They don’t get hurt, they have amazing memories, AND becoming a vampire opens up the possibility of having some sort of super power!  How exciting!  (Of course, there is always the potential that you don’t end up with any special gifts, or you get a lame one like Esme…the ability to love passionately?  LAME.  They all do that, duh.  But you could end up with something cool, which is very enticing, I must admit.)  With these gifts you can live a life of luxury, traveling the world looking beautiful in designer clothes, driving fast cars and feasting on whichever mammal you choose, then having all-night sex with your eternal life partner.  Sounds good, right?  Not so fast…

There are some downsides to being a vampire, for sure.  Becoming a vampire is a BIG commitment.  Once you go through those 3 days of vicious pain, that’s it.  No turning back.  Wizards, on the other hand, always have the option of giving up their wizardly ways and taking up the muggle way of life.  They can do that whenever they want.  For a day, a week, or a lifetime. (Similar to the motto of my hometown.  “Welcome to ______, for a day or a lifetime.”  Maybe that should be the wizards motto too…Welcome to our wizarding world, for a day or a lifetime.)  There’s also the issue of living forever.  Some might see this as a pro for the vampires, but I’m not so sure.  Apart from getting to wear clothes from every era, I just don’t see the appeal.  You also don’t get to eat regular food anymore.  I am not okay with that.  Even worse for the vampires, wizards get to eat amazing food.  Have you ever been to a Hogwarts feast?  Well…me neither, but what I picture in my head is totally worth choosing wizards over vampires.  Roast turkeys, boiled potatoes, pumpkin juice, puddings, pies, ohhhh man, sign me up right now.  Put me on that Hogwarts Express, my owl is in his cage and my trunk is packed!  (Nerd alert!)

Even without the food though, I think I’d still choose to be a wizard.  It just simply sounds like more fun, yeah?  Being a vampire just sounds like too much of a hassle.  You don’t have the freedom to do whatever you want, you can’t even enjoy a sunny day without worrying about someone seeing your sparkly skin.  Plus you’ve got the Volturi breathing down your icy neck 24-7, that’s a hassle.  Bottom line, being a vampire may sound like fun at first, but wizards are where it’s at.  WIZARDS WIN!!!

What about you?  Which would you rather be???

One more shot of Draco, just because I can. He's even sexy when he's crying!

A Week In Review June 20, 2009

This week was an interesting (and perilous) one for our dear friend Robert Pattinson.  Conveniently, I have some thoughts about the events that occurred:

 

First up we have some psycho fans mobbing him on the streets of New York while he’s trying to film his new movie.  I really don’t even know where to begin with this.  Let me start by saying that if I ever see one of those girls on the street I will have no choice but to punch them in the face.  (And don’t think I won’t remember you, because I will.  I have memorized all y’alls stupid faces.)  SERIOUSLY!?!?!  WHAT. THE. HELL???  I’m just trying to understand what they expected to accomplish during this mobbing.  Do they believe that as they’re being pinched and pulled away that he will suddenly look into their eyes and immediately stop being super uncomfortable and scared for his life?  That he’ll yell to his bodyguards, “Stop everything!  I simply must get to know this beautiful woman who just attacked me!  I think I might be falling in love with her!”  Weirdos.  You make me sick.

 

Then later in the week at yet another mobbing incident, he gets hit by a car!!  An NYC cab, to be exact.  Oh, poor Rob, look at what your life has become.  And yes, I know that Summit put out a statement that this had nothing to do his fans, but I don’t really buy that.  If it didn’t have anything to do with fans, than why wouldn’t his bodyguards realize that he was crossing the street without looking both ways first?  Isn’t it their job to keep him safe?  Listen bodyguards, that’s not just limited to squealing teenagers, that applies to oncoming traffic as well.  He’s British, he’s used to looking the opposite direction for cars!  He can’t possibly cross an intersection on his own, he needs your help!  Do your job!

 

Perhaps now would be a good time to propose my recent idea.  (I’m quite proud of it.)  The events of this week got me thinking…why are these bodyguards doing such a crap job of protecting poor little Rob?  I saw the pictures, they’re big strong men, what’s wrong with them?  I think I’ve figured it out though, the problem we have here is lack of dedication.  They don’t really care about Rob at all.  They’re just hired muscle trying to get through the day, slacking on the job just like everybody else.  I’m willing to bet that none of them a) have ever read Twilight OR b) think that Rob is super-dreamy.  They probably just resent him for make their job so difficult. 

 

So I propose that we get some new bodyguards.  Ones who actually care deeply about his well-being and safety.  Ones who would not hesitate to elbow any girl in the neck who tries to come near him.  Ones who would grab him from behind and hold him close if he happens to step out into the street too early.  (Oh, and PS, I’m nominating myself for this position.)    I may not have big muscles (or any muscles at all) but I’m pretty sure I could do a better job than the goons he has now.  I’m not sure that I could do it by myself though, anyone want to join me??  He needs people who, if given the chance, would experience an adrenaline rush (I know, I know.  Fine…”You can Google it.”  Happy now?) and take these girls OUT!  Who’s with me??? 

 

Lastly, (and most importantly I think) we saw…ROB IN SHORTS!!  Not since Goblet of Fire have we seen him in anything but skinny jeans and suits, so I found this to be a nice change of pace.  I’ll ignore the fact that he’s wearing long-sleeved flannel on a beach and just say that I approve of those skinny, white legs of his.  I look forward to the day when some skank-bag has attached herself to those legs, and I will pull her off by her hair, kicking her while she’s down shouting, “HE’S A HUMAN BEING!!!” 

 

That’s all for now friends, thanks again for visiting! 

 

 P.S. I do not actually think Rob’s bodyguards are doing a crap job and I appreciate their presence in his life.